Two Truths & a Lie: Holiday Edition

Over 50% of all Santa Claus sightings turn out to be people dressed up trying to get Salvation Army donations.

Did you know? According to a recent study, more children believe in Santa than in God.

Instead of their normal holiday themed cup, Starbucks is now only going to use ZooPals as cups. “We’re going to get backlash anyway,” says an employee.

No Rudolph this year. His flying license has been revoked, pending a hearing. Thoughts and prayers for Prancer.

Jewish kids all over the nation make a pact to not tell their friends the truth about Santa Claus.

When asked what their favorite holiday movie is, most people respond with A Good Day to Die Hard.

Most popular item on kids’ holiday lists this year is a talking Grinch toy! Unfortunately, the toy had to be recalled, as it only swore.

This year, please refrain from putting out milk and cookies as Santa has gone Vegan.

JK Rowling, to the chagrin of fans, recently revealed that Voldemort’s heart “was three sizes too small,” and that, in fact, the entire series was simply a retelling of Dr. Seuss’ How the Grinch Stole Christmas.

Hanukkah oh Hanukkah! Celebrations for the Jewish holiday have exploded all over the world! “No one knows when it is because we don’t make a big deal about holiday cups,” says Rabbi.

Metallica’s new Christmas single, I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus, will be released August 10th, 2019.